I Am NOT In Denial!
by do i need a pen name
Summary: Lily doesn't like James, what are you talking about? No, she isn't in denial about liking him. Honestly, what's with you people? Lily will never like James! 'Yeah, yeah, we've heard all that before.' Shut up you stupid conscience! ONESHOT COMPLETE


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a/n-hope you like it, this is both my first lilyjames story and my first oneshot. tell me what you think of it...

disclaimer-Sirius is not dead, therefore, Harry Potter is not mine.

I read this book once. Okay, so I've read it more than once. But that's not important right now. What _is _important, is the content of that book I read, and how I now refuse to touch it ever again.

It was about two people. Their names were Brent and Maya. They met through Brent's friend, Chris, who was also Maya's neighbor. In short, he liked her from the very start. She was nearly driven to insanity by him. They fought a lot at first, but in the end, they fell in love. Rather, Maya fell in love with Brent, who had been in love with her since the very beginning.

I, Lily Evans, happened to think it was a very good book. Then, that is. The only problem with it, though, was what I did with it when I was done reading it. You want to know what I did with it, don't you? I guess I'll just have to tell you. I leant it to my best friend, Alice.

Worst mistake of my life.

Because Alice, being typical Alice, read the book and told me exactly what she thought about it. And what she thought about it is not good. For me, anyway.

You see, Alice thinks that my book is my story. My _life_ story. A life which, she insists, is destined to include James Potter. As soon as she said that, I was forced to look back on my life, and re-evaluate a few things about it. For one, why on Earth I had chosen Alice to be my best friend.

That is the question that has been plaguing mankind since the very beginning.

But anyway, Alice was-_is _wrong. There is no way my life could ever include James Potter! I will never like him! Never! Do you hear me? NEVER!

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Yes you will.

Woah! What was that?

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Your conscience.

Oh…in that case, kindly shut up. You are wrong. I will never like James Potter.

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Yes you will.

Will not.

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Will too.

Will not

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Will too

Will not.

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Will not.

Will too.

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Told you. You like him.

"Not fair!"

Alice's head shot up in surprise, from the book she was reading for her Herbology homework.

"What isn't fair, Lils?"

"Did I just say that out loud?" I asked her in horror.

"Yeah." Alice said slowly. "Why? Were you having an argument with your conscience or something?"

"No." I said quickly. "I wasn't having an argument with my conscience. I was just…talking to myself? Yeah, I was just talking to myself."

"Really?" Alice asked skeptically.

I smiled, but her knowing look made me falter.

"No." I admitted with a sigh. "I've just been thinking…"

"About what?" Alice prompted.

"About what you said to me. About me and James and that stupid book. I never should have given it to you! Only _you_ would read it and think of something like that."

"But I know you love me for it." Alice said sweetly. "Don't you?"

"Yeah." I replied half-heartedly. "But still, what could possibly make you think that _I_ could end up with _James_?"

Alice smirked. "You just called him James."

I rolled my eyes. "Alice I've called him James all year. And I know I've explained this to you about a thousand times. We decided it would be in the best interest-"

"'Of everyone else if we didn't argue all the time, so we decided to become friends.'" Alice quoted. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you said, I've heard it a thousand times. But you still can't deny that you like him. I know you do."

"I will never like James Potter." I told her defiantly.

"Sure you won't, Lils." A new, masculine voice said from behind the chair I was sitting in, in the common room.

Alice and I both turned around in surprise to see Sirius standing there.

"Hey Sirius!" Alice said brightly, before turning back to me. "See, even Sirius thinks you like him. James- I mean."

"That's because he's James' best friend." I said knowingly. "I bet James bribed him to say that."

"I'm so offended that you think I, Sirius Black, would accept a bribe. From James Potter, of all people." Sirius said, putting his hand over his heart and mock sighing.

He tried to mock feint as well, but it didn't really work, seeing as he was standing up and too wimpy to actually fall over. You should have seen his face when I told him that. It was one of those moments when I was wishing that my muggle camera worked inside of Hogwarts.

After he had finished with his sulking, and I had finally taken my mind off of James and that stupid book, Sirius decided to bring up the very subject again.

"It's okay, Lily." Sirius said soothingly.

I looked up from my transfiguration essay in confusion. What on earth was he talking about? He couldn't possibly know that I had just paused in my writing, to think of the best way to injure Professor McGonagall so badly that she wouldn't be able to give us our transfiguration test tomorrow.

"We all know you like James, Lily." Sirius continued. Oh, he was talking about that. Again. "You're just in denial."

"I am not in denial." I protested. "I really won't ever like James."

"_Right_." Sirius said. "So is that implying that you already do like him?"

I scowled at him from across my transfiguration essay, to other side of the table, where he had situated himself right after he originally joined us.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'." Sirius said smugly.

Alice looked up in surprise. She had been deeply immersed in an essay for her favorite class, Herbology. "Did she finally admit it? Did she say that she's liked him all along? Took her long enough."

"NO!" I said so loudly that the whole Common Room fell silent.

I turned red in embarrassment, and hid my face in my hands. Thankfully, after a moment, the chatter started up once more. When I removed my hands, it was to find both Alice and Sirius looking at me with that detested twinkle in their eyes, which reminded me so much of Professor Dumbledore.

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"You so like him." The two of them chorused.

"I need new friends." I muttered under my breath. "Wonder where Peter is?"

"He wouldn't be a good friend for you." Sirius said seriously. No pun intended. "Back in third year, James threatened to hex him if he ever- how was it that James put it? Oh yeah, if Peter ever 'Made friends or communicated with Lily any way, 'cuz she's gonna be my girlfriend and if she talks to you, you'll scare her off'. Yeah…that was what he said."

"Poor Peter." I said. Then, "Hey! I'm not going to be his girlfriend!

"Very true. Very true." Sirius said nonchalantly. "You're going to be his wife."

If looks could kill, right now, Sirius Black: Hogwarts Womanizer would be dead. And I would be hunted down by just about the entire female population of Hogwarts. It's a good thing my glares don't affect him, then.

"He's right, you know." Alice said, choosing that moment to re-enter the conversation once again. Some friend she is. Wait…didn't I already go over that? Yeah, I think I did. Oh well. Now you really know how badly I'm regretting that decision right about now.

"You know, Lils," Sirius began, "Denial really isn't good for you."

"Denial is just a state of mind." I responded. "And if I really am in denial, then I like it, and I'm never gonna change."

"What are you in denial about?" Another new voice asked. The voice of James Potter.

Oh, crap. Why did he have to walk in on this conversation? You know the one where my idiotic friends were trying to convince me that I like James Potter. Which I DON'T, I might add.

"Nothing. Nothing at all." I said after a brief pause. "I have absolutely nothing to be in denial about."

"_cough_liar_cough_." Sirius said.

"Are you ok Padfoot?' James asked concernedly.

"Oh, yeah." Sirius said, waving away his best friend's concern. "Just had something caught in my throat, then."

"Whatever you say." James said, looking totally unconvinced as he sat down in the only remaining chair at our table. And oh, joy, it was the one right beside mine. Fate was really a very cruel person.

"So," James continued, looking around at the three of us, "what are you all working on?"

"Ugh." Sirius scoffed. "How dare you accuse me of actually doing my homework. It's despicable."

"Sirius," I said absentmindedly as I tried to write the conclusion for my essay, "Stop trying to copy everything Remus says. It doesn't really sound that convincing…smart stuff coming from you, you know?"

Once again, Sirius said sulking in his chair, while James and Alice laughed. I however, was too busy working on my essay to notice this very well. Suddenly, though, I felt a presence very close to me.

"Watcha workin' on?" James breathed in my ear.

"Stuff." I muttered, inwardly shuddering at his closeness.

"What stuff?" He asked, his warm breath tickling my ear.

"Stupid stuff." I clarified.

Suddenly, James pulled back. And as soon as his presence was gone, for some reason, it seemed rather like something was missing.

"Transfiguration essay." James concluded.

I looked up with a grin, to see he was grinning at me, as well.

"Like I said, stupid stuff." I told him. His eyes sparkled with laughter, and it made him look even more handsome.

Woah! Where the bloody hell did that come from?

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You like him.

No, I don't.

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Yes you do. Just admit it. We all know you like him

I shook my head slightly, to get my stupid conscience to shut up.

"Are you ok, Lily?" James asked, concern etched in every line of his face. Why did it have to make him look even more bloody handsome? My stupid conscience was doing this to me, I know it.

"Yeah, just a little headache." I replied.

"Maybe you should see Madame Pomfrey." James said.

"Hey!" Sirius protested. "It's just a headache. How come you didn't tell me to go see Madame Pomfrey when I was choking? I could have died!"

"But you didn't." James pointed out.

"Well Lily isn't going to die of a headache." Sirius concluded. "Don't know why you even bothered suggesting it. OW! What the bloody hell was _that _for, Alice? It hurt!"

"Sometimes you can be such an idiot, Sirius." Alice said. "You know exactly why."

"Why what?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"Even I know why." I told him. "It's kinda obvious."

"What is?" James asked. "And what are we even talking about?"

"Nothing." Alice said sweetly. "Nothing at all."

Then, she abruptly turned back to me with an absolutely terrifying expression on her face. I knew she was up to something.

"So, Lily…" Alice began.

"What?" I questioned wearily.

"Are you still in denial?"

"Yep." I replied. "Even though I have nothing to be in denial about."

James looked at me again. Actually, I think he had been staring at me ever since he came over to us. But that's not important right now.

"So, what do they _think_ you're in denial about?"

"Nothing." I lied.

Alice and Sirius rolled their eyes at exactly the same time. And somehow, though he was still looking at me, James seemed to see this out of the corner of his eye.

"Does it have to do with me?" James pressed on.

"…No." I said, looking anywhere but at him.

Sirius snorted with laughter, and Alice promptly kicked him in the shin again.

"Are you sure?" James asked, inching closer to me with his chair.

"No…I mean yes." I said, growing slightly nervous with the proximity of his body to mine. "I mean, I have go find Peter!"

And with that, I quickly grabbed my transfiguration things, and sprinted from the Common Room. I had barely turned the first corner when I heard footsteps pounding after me. And I, of course, just had to turn around to see who was there. James Potter was chasing me. Wonderful. And thanks to his Quidditch training, he quickly caught up with me.

"Lily, wait!" James said, grabbing my arm, and then rescuing my books as he had caused me to drop half of them.

"What?" I asked, panting ever so slightly from my extremely short run.

Suddenly, he looked kind of nervous. James Potter? Nervous? Impossible!

"I wanted to give you something, back there in the common room." James said slowly.

"Yes?" I said in confusion, seeing his arms, empty of anything, except my books of course.

"It's just…well…" He trailed off.

All of a sudden, he looked me straight in the eye. He took a step forward. If he walked any closer now, he would be right on top of me. I wanted to step back, but my feet were rooted to the spot.

James appeared to take a deep, calming breath, and then, his lips were right on mine. My books fell from both our arms and lay forgotten on the floor. His hands rested on my hips, and mine wrapped around his neck. When we finally broke apart a few minutes later, or hours, I'm not quite sure, he put his head right next to my ear.

"So," He whispered softly, his breath tickling my ear again, "Still in denial?"

"Who ever said I was in denial?"

So, I read this book once. Okay, I've read it more than once. But that's not important right now. What _is _important, is the content of that book I read, and how I think I'll carry it with me everywhere for the rest of my life.

It was about two people. Their names were Brent and Maya. They met through Brent's friend, Chris, who was also Maya's neighbor. In short, he liked her from the very start. She was nearly driven to insanity by him. They fought a lot at first, but in the end, they fell in love. Rather, Maya fell in love with Brent, who had been in love with her since the very beginning.

I, Lily Evans, used to think it was a terrible book. Before, that is. The problem with it, was what I refused to believe when I was done reading it. When I was done, I leant it to my best friend, Alice.

One of the best things I've ever done.

Because Alice, being typical Alice, read the book and told me exactly what she thought about it. And what she thought about it, was very good. For me, anyway. Not that I thought that right away.

You see, Alice thinks that my book, is my story. My _life_ story. A life, which she insists, is destined to include James Potter. A few days after she said that, I was forced to look back on my life, and re-evaluate few things about it. For one, why on Earth I had taken this long to realize why exactly I had chosen Alice as my best friend.

That is the question that has been plaguing mankind since the very beginning.

But the answer to that question is very simple.

I chose Alice to be my best friend because she is always right. Her and that stupid conscience of mine. Because, as it turned out, they were both right, in their own ways.

My conscience was right when it said I liked James Potter.

And Alice was right when she said my life was destined to include James Potter's.

Sirius, however, was not right. I was NOT in denial! And I never will be.

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Sure.

Shut up, stupid conscience!

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Ha ha, you're in denial about being in denial!

There is _no_ way I'm in denial.

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If it makes you happy, just keep telling yourself that.

Fine, I will. Oh, I have to go.

Time to go to Hogsmeade. I have a date with James…

I Am NOT In Denial!


End file.
